I Will Always Love You
by veganwrocker
Summary: A letter from Jess to Rory, written sometime while she was in college, a little while before he came to visit her. Rated for minor language.


_Disclaimer: The amazing Amy created all the Gilmore Girls characters, I own nothing. _

**I Will Always Love You**

Dear Rory,

I don't really know what to say. Well, I guess the first thing to say would be I'm sorry. I'm sorry for taking off, sorry for never giving you a proper goodbye, sorry for springing that "Come with me!" crap on you when you obviously just weren't interested… If I could take it all back and start over, believe me, I would. But I'm still working on that time travel thing… so… I wrote this letter instead.

I need you to know that I didn't leave because of you. The only reason I _stayed_ in the first place was to be with you! I was always sure that Stars Hollow wasn't the place for me, but as soon as I met you, I knew I had to be with you.

You're not like other girls, Rory. You're special. Anyone can see that. When I met you, I was so sure that we had to be together… I stopped _looking_ at other girls, and focused all my energy on you. Finally, when you broke up with that jerk Dean – wait, scratch that – I just mean Dean. I couldn't understand before why you were hanging out with him – I guess I convinced myself that you were just passing time; I had to believe that he meant nothing to you, just like the girls I hung out with before you agreed to go out with me meant nothing to me. I guess I was about as self-centered and bigheaded as I could get, and I'm so sorry if there was something there that I ruined. Maybe you two really could have had a future together, and that's just another thing I've screwed up.

Anyway, when the two of you broke up, I'll admit it, I was over the moon. Yeah, I tried to act all cool about it, but inside I was screaming and shouting my head off in joy. Here was my chance – I'd finally get to "have" you, just like I'd always wanted.

Here's the thing. I've still got some serious growing up to do. That's why I went away, and I've been crashing all around the country for a while now. I'm trying to figure out where I belong. I'm still not quite sure where I'm at or what I'll be doing (hell, I don't even know where I'll be sleeping tonight), but that's what I'm working on. I'm seriously trying to get my act together, and once I get there, I'm going to come back for you.

There's a lot that I didn't get before, but I've got my priorities straight now, and I have figured a few things out. You're a free spirit – I understand that now. Last year all I wanted was to have you for myself, but now I get that that isn't the kind of life you want; that isn't the kind of life I want to give you. You are an individual, and you are your own person. I have always respected and admired you for that.

So I know that we can't be together right now, but I need you to know this: I've always loved you. It wasn't just something I blurted out in the heat of the moment or something; it was true. I've never said that to anyone else in my entire life. Not even family – seriously, it just isn't something I'm big on. But as soon as I figured out exactly how I felt about you, I just had to tell you. I needed you to know, so you wouldn't keep thinking that I just didn't care.

The truth is, I care about you more than you could ever know. Not a day goes by that I don't think about you, and wonder where you are, what you're doing, and if you're happy. I hope you are – I think you are. I'm sure that you're wowing them in college right now this minute, and that you'll be doing so many incredible things as the years go on.

As soon as I'm worthy of you, I will come back and find you, and try to find a way to make it up to you for all the crappy things I've done to you. I just need you to know how I feel – how I've felt for years. I have no idea what I'm doing or where I'll be in life in a week, much less a year from now, but I do know one thing that will never change. I will always love you, Rory Gilmore, and that is the one thing that has been a constant in my life through all the shit I've gone through. Because of you, I've decided to make something of myself, and I need you to know that you will always be the center of my world. I know that I've treated you horribly, but tell me what to do to convince you to forgive me, and I'll do it. Anything. Hopefully once I've gotten my act together we can be friends again – and maybe something more?

We moved too fast last time, and I'm never going to push you like that again. We'll go at your pace, your way. You get to make the decisions – you've certainly proved that you're the smart one. Please just think about it, okay? I swear to you that I will never skip out on you again.

Love (damn – that should feel weird to write that, but with you it feels natural),

Jess

A.N._: That whole "I love you – now I'm going to take off without another word and leave you with a seriously screwed up life for the next year or so until you find a way to get over me" really pissed me off. I thought that this might be a good way that he could have at least tried to make up for it a little bit, because Jess is one of my favorite characters, and I was so sad to see him written out of the show like that. Please review and tell me what you think! As always, I thrive on your opinions. Thanks!_


End file.
